Have you’ve ever fallen on your knees, crying out to God, praying for relief from a situation you have found yourself in? I mean really, really praying in desperation. The situation may have been one of fear and hopelessness and you were at you wits end with no light at the end of the tunnel. Or you may have been at death’s door. Well, if not how many times; then did you ever?????
Well I have. I was far from being some church going, bible thumping, “praise the Lord” shouter in a service. Matter of fact, during the time I’m about to speak off, the only church I saw was on my way to a club, bar, or after hours spot! Except for going to church as a child with my grandmother, once I hit my teenage years, that was it for me. It was just way too sad sitting in that staid, ultra conservative Methodist congregation, somberly singing hymns and hearing sermon after sermon of God’s judgement if one doesn’t “live right” or obey his commandments.
Boy, that was scary stuff to an adolescent who then grew to feel that “since I’m not perfect, and can’t be as good as God wants me to be, then what’s the point”! Thus, my exit strategy from attending church. At 13-14, my mother would send me on the local bus with my brother to Sunday school, I’d drop him off and then go hang out in McDonald’s until I figured it was close to time for church to be over. Then I’d pretend I was in the basement or downstairs somewhere and fell asleep.
Eventually (sooner rather than later), my grandmother was on to me. So I just stopped going altogether! From that point on, I felt I was FREE! Free to do what I wanted to do, which eventually led me down a path of self-destruction (unbeknownst to me at the time).
Fast forward to the early 1980’s after my mom’s death in 1982. Boy, I’d like to call the 80’s the snow white 80’s. Partying, and everything else that goes along with it was at an all time high! I was on top of the world. I had a good job making good money as a freelancer on Wall Street, I inherited an apartment building (before my mother’s death); and all types of substances was readily and easily available!
However, through it all, I always felt that my mother was nearby watching over me as I have had numerous near death experiences in which I was diverted from by a guardian angel. But, there was one experience in particular, which to this day stands as a testimony of the beginning of a turning point in my life.
It was during a weekend of a cocaine binge with my then sister-in-law. We were up for over 18 hours sniffing, smoking, licking, snorting cocaine. Just between the two of us, we consumed 1/8 of a kilo of cocaine. It was now Sunday morning and it seemed to have come upon us suddenly, especially when we heard the key in the door to the apartment and the big booming voice of my brother returning from “taking care of business” up in Harlem.
By the time He walked down the long hallway with his “boys”, I was standing up getting ready to leave. As soon as He entered the living room and saw me, the first thing that came out his mouth was, “You still here??? Don’t tell me you both have been up since I left early yesterday?” I lied and said, “no… I just came downstairs to get something. Talk to you later”. As I hurried to the door, I heard him call out my sister-in-laws’ name. I knew then that it was on and I was out of there!
My apartment was right above theirs and I couldn’t get up that 1 flight of stairs quick enough. My heart was racing and pounding in my ears while I felt my blood violently pulsing and heaving itself through arteries frantically trying to find a way out. The more my blood surged from the cocaine induced rush, the harder and faster my heart would pound; to such a point that each beat was a mini nuclear explosion in my head.
I remember sitting on the bed and then trying to lie down which at that point, the explosion got worse and more intense. I went to the kitchen refrigerator frantically searching for ice and placing it all around my face and head. To no avail there was no relief at all. I sank to the floor by the refrigerator all the while the surging, pulsing, beating and pounding continuing to increase to the point of where darkness began to close in around me visually.
As I folded into a fetal position on the floor, darkness surged and overtook me.It was this point that a stark, sudden silence replaced the surging, pulsing and pounding of rushing blood and heart. I began to feel very, very light and at this point realized that I was beginning to “slip away”. It was then, with whatever strength left, that I “cried out” to God, saying to Him that I don’t want to go out like this. Sobbing, I said to Him that if He would spare my life and not let me die like this on the floor of my apartment of a cocaine overdose, I will never, ever go near this stuff again. That was my heartfelt plea and to my Heavenly Father. I didn’t want to check out like this.
When I had finally awakened, my apartment was pitch black. It was night again and I had no idea of how long I was out. On top of that, I was in my bed. I don’t recall how I got there, but I do know that I blacked out on the kitchen floor. And I lived alone.
This incident took place approximately 31 Years Ago in 1984 and by the Grace of God I’m still here to tell it.
So what is my point, well it’s this. That God has a plan for ALL of us, whether we believe that there’s a God or not; whether we have gone to or grew up in church and fell away, or we just plainly rebelled and left. In either case, no matter what your situation, circumstance or state of mind may be, there is a God that loves you and if you truly call on Him, He will surely answer. Not always on your time, not always in your way, but be assured He will answer the cry of the heart.
After that incident, the desire for cocaine was snatched away from me as well as the fact that I could not stand to be around it, smell it or be associated with it. He saved me from an unnecessary physical death and He can and will do the same for you!
To be continued……